As usual, another great piece. I will be sharing this with family members I think will actually take the time to listen to it.
That being said, I have one notable bone of contention. You say we inherit two types of traits from our parents, Good and Bad. I find this particular phrasing somewhat reductive. Not all traits have a value of "Good* or "Bad" (Eye color is the first example that comes to mind, but there are plenty of others, at least in my view.)
I sincerely appreciate you bringing my mistake to light. It takes a lot of courage to do that, and I want to commend you for it. And, you are so right! I completely overlooked how that sentence could interpreted when I was proofing/editing. I just updated it.
Thank you so much for your continued support and your encouragement - I am incredibly grateful for you 🙏
Recently I saw a different approach - instead of saying "negative emotions" the person used the phrase "Depleting emotions" - anger, sorrow, fear, anxiety - depleting, increase inflammation. Positive emotions of joy, love, gratitude are anti-inflammatory.
Another way to phrase the need for change would be not that habit change of behaviors is needed, but habit change of mental attitude - a change is needed in thinking habits - the rumination, yes. And 'spirituality' might better fit the idea of a mental attitude change, but love, gratitude, peaceful calm - those things could be mental habits without a direct connection to an anthropometric 'god'.
And thanks for your interesting article. Linking greed directly to addiction along with intergenerational patterns was helpful for me. I wrote a post after reading yours - I didn't bring up the greed thought, I need to think on that a bit more. Greedy parents may teach that sharing is the family value, while also occasionally lapsing into their own greedy bad habits - and role model that too. In the post, spirituality vs religion, and 12 step groups can become addictive - anything can be part of an addictive use pattern, were my main themes - https://open.substack.com/pub/denutrients/p/intergenerational-addiction-limiting?r=os7nw&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
I remembered the source later in the day - "psychophysiologist Rollin McCraty, PhD, the Director of Research at the pioneering HeartMath Institute". Discover the Science Behind Your Heart’s Intelligence with Rollin McCraty, PhD -- a free video about a course to sign up for this: 7-session video program, The Science & Practice of Heart Coherence: Access Your Heart’s Intelligence to Recover Inner Peace & Create Personal, Social & Global Transformation, https://theshiftnetwork.com/course/03RMcCraty01_21/
Online resource - ebook chapters, viewable and downloadable:
Thinking more positively is literally helping us to be energetically less frazzled, more coherent - a nice neat radio signal within us instead of a jittery one. That is kind of mind blowing because being stressed, edgy, frazzled, jittery, scattered..... that is how it feels, unorganized.
I am fascinated with epigenetics and people who overcome trauma and those that don’t coming from the same households. This is such an important essay and Brava for making this information palatable.
There have been many moments in my life that my I've been struck with the realization that I've just repeated my own parents' behavior.
With my children, there's the rollercoaster of seeing both strengths and flaws of my own reflected back at me in their behavior. It's the most brutally honest mirror available to us.
Most of the work you’ll need to do is shown through your children hahaha… I now realize that having children is the opportunity I needed to help myself. Undoing as I work with myself and them hand in hand.
The known motivators are need, greed, fear, desire, imitation, health, wealth, happiness, vanity and pain. Going for a remedy is a wonderful act. BSA got me loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. And it took and I kept it.
Really well written! I think it's so important for people to realize how generational stuff can affect things bit also that it is possible to overcome.
Building our lives is in many ways like the strategies home builders. If they find a blueprint that is successful, it’s repeatedly used with some modifications. We are the product of how our parents raised us! I agree with both Jen and Andy Stanley. Greed comes into play when our level of spirituality lessens to fill in the blanks. It is a heart problem, not initially a financial one!
In my experience, this is not something you just learn and decide and like a light switch, are changed. This takes serious effort, commitment, rewiring of the neural networks and comprehension .... a huge task .... I am half way through it and still struggling but hopeful. Thanks for providing the info. It's a battle. But breaking cycles is possible.
Kimberly, you make an excellent point. It is indeed arduous work that will last a long time and need to be maintained for the rest of one’s life. Thanks for pointing this out
Take the twin principle for example. Identical twins may look exactly alike due to genetic sequencing but if you put them in two different environments they turn out vastly different.
Twin A is raised by a very successful family and given all the opportunities in the world, in most cases they will be extremely successful. Their access to books, art work, museums, etc, will help them grow intellectuality and emotionally.
Twin B is raised in a household that's surrounded by chaos and abuse, no matter how hard they try, in most cases, will become like the people who raised them.
Intelligence, might get you in the door, but fostering it with books, science, etc, will make it flourish and thrive. The brain needs it's own kind of intake to really reach it's potential.
That being said, spiritual enlightenment comes from within as well as externally. No I'm not talking traditional religions but the spiritual enlightenment from being aware of a higher version of one's self. Seeking nature, seeking knowledge, showing empathy. Those are signs of a spiritual existence that fosters growth and expansion.
To be aware of one's spiritual self is to also be aware of your surroundings.
“But like alcoholism, greed is yet another coping mechanism for the spiritually impoverished.”
Truth.
🙏
As usual, another great piece. I will be sharing this with family members I think will actually take the time to listen to it.
That being said, I have one notable bone of contention. You say we inherit two types of traits from our parents, Good and Bad. I find this particular phrasing somewhat reductive. Not all traits have a value of "Good* or "Bad" (Eye color is the first example that comes to mind, but there are plenty of others, at least in my view.)
Oighrig, thank you so much!
I sincerely appreciate you bringing my mistake to light. It takes a lot of courage to do that, and I want to commend you for it. And, you are so right! I completely overlooked how that sentence could interpreted when I was proofing/editing. I just updated it.
Thank you so much for your continued support and your encouragement - I am incredibly grateful for you 🙏
Recently I saw a different approach - instead of saying "negative emotions" the person used the phrase "Depleting emotions" - anger, sorrow, fear, anxiety - depleting, increase inflammation. Positive emotions of joy, love, gratitude are anti-inflammatory.
Another way to phrase the need for change would be not that habit change of behaviors is needed, but habit change of mental attitude - a change is needed in thinking habits - the rumination, yes. And 'spirituality' might better fit the idea of a mental attitude change, but love, gratitude, peaceful calm - those things could be mental habits without a direct connection to an anthropometric 'god'.
Jennifer, thank you so much for this! I learned a lot from your comments. 🤗
I also really like the idea of depleting emotions.
And thanks for your interesting article. Linking greed directly to addiction along with intergenerational patterns was helpful for me. I wrote a post after reading yours - I didn't bring up the greed thought, I need to think on that a bit more. Greedy parents may teach that sharing is the family value, while also occasionally lapsing into their own greedy bad habits - and role model that too. In the post, spirituality vs religion, and 12 step groups can become addictive - anything can be part of an addictive use pattern, were my main themes - https://open.substack.com/pub/denutrients/p/intergenerational-addiction-limiting?r=os7nw&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
I remembered the source later in the day - "psychophysiologist Rollin McCraty, PhD, the Director of Research at the pioneering HeartMath Institute". Discover the Science Behind Your Heart’s Intelligence with Rollin McCraty, PhD -- a free video about a course to sign up for this: 7-session video program, The Science & Practice of Heart Coherence: Access Your Heart’s Intelligence to Recover Inner Peace & Create Personal, Social & Global Transformation, https://theshiftnetwork.com/course/03RMcCraty01_21/
Online resource - ebook chapters, viewable and downloadable:
"We have found that intentional activation of positive emotions plays an important role in increasing cardiac coherence and thus self-regulatory capacity.[5] " https://www.heartmath.org/research/science-of-the-heart/resilience-stress-and-emotions/
Thinking more positively is literally helping us to be energetically less frazzled, more coherent - a nice neat radio signal within us instead of a jittery one. That is kind of mind blowing because being stressed, edgy, frazzled, jittery, scattered..... that is how it feels, unorganized.
Thank you, Jennifer! Great reference material here and good job on your article - I thoroughly enjoyed it
Your opening paragraphs bring Larkin's "This Be the Verse" to mind:
"They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself."
I am glad you are of a less misanthrsopic turn than him!! Thank you.
That’s funny! Never came across it before. He’s quite talented, but I’d like to think I have a little more hope than him!
Thanks so much for sharing this!
Misanthropic. Typing on a bus.
Wonderful "thought food" in this essay, Jen--kudos!!
Thank you so much, Sharon! Hope it was satisfying!
Very much so, Jen! :-)
I am fascinated with epigenetics and people who overcome trauma and those that don’t coming from the same households. This is such an important essay and Brava for making this information palatable.
Thank you so much, Heather! I try! 🩵
There have been many moments in my life that my I've been struck with the realization that I've just repeated my own parents' behavior.
With my children, there's the rollercoaster of seeing both strengths and flaws of my own reflected back at me in their behavior. It's the most brutally honest mirror available to us.
Wow. I don’t yet have kids so I can’t relate, but this is incredible. I’ve never heard it framed in this way before.
That’s also why I took time to do a lot of self work before starting to having children (but I most definitely needed it)
Most of the work you’ll need to do is shown through your children hahaha… I now realize that having children is the opportunity I needed to help myself. Undoing as I work with myself and them hand in hand.
I recently heard advice that “men need to have kids because they won’t get their sh*t together until they need to.“
I love the idea of “undoing” too. 🤗
The known motivators are need, greed, fear, desire, imitation, health, wealth, happiness, vanity and pain. Going for a remedy is a wonderful act. BSA got me loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. And it took and I kept it.
🤗
Loved the wisdom in this piece. 💙🙏
What a compliment! Thank you! 🙏
Really well written! I think it's so important for people to realize how generational stuff can affect things bit also that it is possible to overcome.
Absolutely - hope is a prerequisite ♥️
Truly enjoy your writing, Jen, and often share it. Thank you.
Thank you so much, Rochelle! Your support means the world to me 🙏♥️
Good analytical write up 💕 Thanks a lot 🙏
Thank you so much, Ibrahim!
My daughter and I are talking about this. She’s 38 and I’m 63. We’ll put Jen.
Thank you, Joe! 🤗♥️
Building our lives is in many ways like the strategies home builders. If they find a blueprint that is successful, it’s repeatedly used with some modifications. We are the product of how our parents raised us! I agree with both Jen and Andy Stanley. Greed comes into play when our level of spirituality lessens to fill in the blanks. It is a heart problem, not initially a financial one!
🤍
Thanks! Keep up your words of encouragement! 😁
If we are what we eat, logically we must be what we think! Reckon?
In my experience, this is not something you just learn and decide and like a light switch, are changed. This takes serious effort, commitment, rewiring of the neural networks and comprehension .... a huge task .... I am half way through it and still struggling but hopeful. Thanks for providing the info. It's a battle. But breaking cycles is possible.
Kimberly, you make an excellent point. It is indeed arduous work that will last a long time and need to be maintained for the rest of one’s life. Thanks for pointing this out
I completely agree with this.
Take the twin principle for example. Identical twins may look exactly alike due to genetic sequencing but if you put them in two different environments they turn out vastly different.
Twin A is raised by a very successful family and given all the opportunities in the world, in most cases they will be extremely successful. Their access to books, art work, museums, etc, will help them grow intellectuality and emotionally.
Twin B is raised in a household that's surrounded by chaos and abuse, no matter how hard they try, in most cases, will become like the people who raised them.
Intelligence, might get you in the door, but fostering it with books, science, etc, will make it flourish and thrive. The brain needs it's own kind of intake to really reach it's potential.
That being said, spiritual enlightenment comes from within as well as externally. No I'm not talking traditional religions but the spiritual enlightenment from being aware of a higher version of one's self. Seeking nature, seeking knowledge, showing empathy. Those are signs of a spiritual existence that fosters growth and expansion.
To be aware of one's spiritual self is to also be aware of your surroundings.
Absolutely, Joe 🩶
Most excellent!
Thank you, John!